I believe good relationship last because of positive bonding that occurs between the parties in that relationship... In case of romantic relationships this bond is usually called "love"; For the sake of simplicity lets call it that: Love... If I ever picture a successful relationship, it would be such that each day the question is posed: "Do I love my partner?" and each time the answer comes as positive! Maybe some days were down, but somehow the answer still seemed crystal clear... Similarly, I know that my partner has been asking themselves the same question every day, and accordingly chosen to stay... That's how I'd picture it!
Holding this as basic assumption, we see that (Christian?) marriage eliminates the possibility of realizing that scenario... The reason is simple: Marriage vows. Lets take how typical Christian vows go for an example: "I __ , take thee __ , to be my (wife/husband) to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you - till death do us part"; If a partner asks themselves whether or not they love their partner this implies that they might not do so, which contradicts the vows... Alternatively, a partner may not ask their partner whether they love them or not, because that simple question is an accusation of treason... As we can see, a wife who asks her husband: "Do you love me?", is acknowledging the possibility that her husband may not be loving her, consequently accusing him of breaking their promises!
Another problem with marriage is that it assumes that feelings are flat highway, which may not hold true for all conditions: So acknowledging that, none of the partners knows what the other is feeling because denying love is not an option! Surely, divorce happens but that's beyond the scope of this entry because true promises are not annullable...
Part of the truth is, people don't marry to keep their love for each other, they marry to keep a family intact, which kinda makes sense; So, I think marriage is not a bond between two people, rather a family-preserving contract; A contract not to protect the rights of the couple (consenting members), but the rights of their children (the non-consenting members)...
PS: Inspired by this entry
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6 comments:
when you get married, I guess you stop asking yourself every morning whether you love or you don't love your partner, because you know you do. otherwise why would you sty with him or her? marriage is not a contract rather than an anouncement to everyone that you love this specific person and you chose to be with him/her for the rest of your life. its a way to tell your partner that you love him/her, and you treasure them to the extent that you would spend your life with him/her. and that your love is strong enough to defeat all the times weakness crawls. i guess in such times. you should have it always in your mind, the source of your hidden strenght that you found in your partner. we all grow, we all do mistakes, we are so imperfect. but you made a choice to be with one. the beauty resembles in the journey..
If marriage was neither a promise nor contract, then my arguments dont hold...
"rather than an anouncement to everyone": But assuming marriage was simply an annoucement as u suggest: First of all, why would anyone feel obliged to tell anyone beside their partner of such love? Guess love is a personal matter, not something to declar publicly! Besides, whats wrong with the simple words: "I love you (unconditionally)", to announce your love to your partner?!
why would anyone feel obliged to tell anyone beside their partner of such love?
so you can define your status among the community, organisational matters! and to define family blocks.
whats wrong with the simple words: "I love you (unconditionally)", to announce your love to your partner?!
there is nothing wrong with it, especially when its a relation. but relations evolve.. i guess
you tell me, how bad is "Al Zawaj il 3urfee" ? what do you think of it? when somebody is in love , his/her eyes speak for them , they would want to scream it out loud. thats why we do weddings! bas you know traditions let you forget the main point, and sink into the wedding accessories, Jahha, and the Reception :)
I am not sure what "Zwaj 3urfi" is (maybe you can enlighten me), but as far as i know, only the married parties are the ones concerned; Parental or otherwise knowledge\consent is not required... If polygamy was allowed in that marriage then the consent of other partners involved might be required (according to the clauses of their marriages)!
(I think) What you call wedding accessories and rituals are totally useless and unnecessary!
i donno what does "Zwaj 3urfi" convey, but its secrecy is what makes it bad. Otherwise why not have a regular marriage? and the fact that you can just forget about it whenever you want. to lose its validity without having to divorce. i don't know, if anyone knows please correct me if i'm wrong, im not sure. But its like keeping your marriage a secret which i think is not healthy.
Wedding accessories are how you express your joy among family and friends ( if you want to share it with them)in all cases, it should be special, special doesn't mean spend all what you have on it, but it should be different. because its yours, it should be your way :)
Regardless of the specific clauses of any contract (marriage or otherwise), as long as all parties involved in such contact are fully aware and consenting to those clauses then it should be alright... Unless they decide to have children, then thats a different story because the best interest of those children must be part of the deal!
If a couple doesnt wanna publicly announce their marriage then thats their bussiness, unless its breaking a previous contract they made or a legitimate interest of another party...
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