Monday, March 15, 2010

Clouded Vision

I have been asking myself lots of questions these days... Am I happy? If not, can I ever be? Would I ever figure out what I need to get there? Have I done the right choices in my life? Have I done the wrong choices? How can I find out? And if I figure that I have done wrong choices, would there be anything to do to fix them? Or is it too late for fixing critical mistakes?

I have went to study the masters in the United Arab Emirates, I left home, family and friends. I thought this would be an opportunity to change my life, or even maybe myself. My current environment is completely changed. But neither my life nor myself have changed... I find that I have changed everything but myself... Is this a sign? Does this mean that I love my life and I don't want it to change? Or does this mean that I am repeating my past mistakes? How do I know the difference? Would changing my environment yet again help me to a fresh start? Or would I end up repeating the same mistakes yet again?

Is there something flawed in my method? Or is it that I have simply not been given the opportunity to reap the fruit? Can I ever forgive myself for the disappointment? Or do I have no reason to be disappointed in myself?

Am I too critical of myself that I don't see the greatness of my achievements? Or have I been too easy on myself that I put myself on a path of disappointment? Should I try harder or let go?

Questions, but no answers!! Is it too late to find the answers?