Monday, March 15, 2010

Clouded Vision

I have been asking myself lots of questions these days... Am I happy? If not, can I ever be? Would I ever figure out what I need to get there? Have I done the right choices in my life? Have I done the wrong choices? How can I find out? And if I figure that I have done wrong choices, would there be anything to do to fix them? Or is it too late for fixing critical mistakes?

I have went to study the masters in the United Arab Emirates, I left home, family and friends. I thought this would be an opportunity to change my life, or even maybe myself. My current environment is completely changed. But neither my life nor myself have changed... I find that I have changed everything but myself... Is this a sign? Does this mean that I love my life and I don't want it to change? Or does this mean that I am repeating my past mistakes? How do I know the difference? Would changing my environment yet again help me to a fresh start? Or would I end up repeating the same mistakes yet again?

Is there something flawed in my method? Or is it that I have simply not been given the opportunity to reap the fruit? Can I ever forgive myself for the disappointment? Or do I have no reason to be disappointed in myself?

Am I too critical of myself that I don't see the greatness of my achievements? Or have I been too easy on myself that I put myself on a path of disappointment? Should I try harder or let go?

Questions, but no answers!! Is it too late to find the answers?


kinzi said...


Fun to see you again!!!!! With a wild deeply thought provoking post, no less.

You know me, I can't but help saying "Maybe see what Jesus says?" ;)

(some things NEVER change, yea??)

Devil's Mind said...

Thank you Kinzi, nice to hear from you.

"Some things never change".. Agreed, but as the serenity prayer goes: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things that I can; And the wisdom to know the difference."

Apart from the Godly intervention part, I have to agree with the prayer. The wisdom to know the difference between what you can and cannot change is critical.

kinzi said...

DM, such wisdom in that prayer! Knowing when to be content and when to push for more.

Did you know there is more to the prayer?

"...Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next. Amen"

Reinhold Neibuhr-1926

Devil's Mind said...

Thank you for sharing the rest of the prayer. I know this prayer in its short-version as it is popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous.