Friday, February 23, 2007

Emotional Rape: What Is It?

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body. The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions -love, self-respect- without consent. Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

source: Cosmopolitan magazine - September 2001 (ZIP/JPG)

Awareness is the fist line of defense for many hazards. For this reason, it is important that people become more educated about issues of psychological and emotional abuse. There are several forms of psychological abuse, like: Brainwashing, emotional blackmailing, emotional exploitation, emotional rape, and sometimes even hurtful verbal insults. I bet that most people don't even know that there is something called "Emotional rape".

The reason that people don't recognize emotional rape is because it is not recognizable under civil laws. No-one has ever been sent to jail because they emotionally abused another! It makes sense, because emotional damage cannot be quantified, and no-one can be held responsible for another's psyche. For this reason, it is important to spot and deal with emotional offenders, because no civil law would help.

Emotional rape aims to undermine the victim's self-respect and self-image leaving that person vulnerable to abuse. The victim starts developing a sense of dependence on the abuser, and thus feels incapable of escaping the emotional abuse circle.

I will not go into further details about emotional rape; I recommend that you read the full article issued in Cosmopolitan magazine September 2001.

Brainwashing techniques are widely practiced in cults. Because of lack of awareness about brainwashing, we find that numerous people become victims to cultist organizations. Many other forms of psychological abuse exist and as mentioned above, I believe awareness is the best line of defense.


The Observer said...

Now you are trying to brainwash us with this talk? Lol *kidding*

Interesting article. I guess a lot of us has observed some kind of abusive emotional relationship in his life without really identitfying it.

I agree, awarness is the best line of defense :)

Tala said...

Hey Zaid,

i didn't know that the term "Emotional Rape" exists, but yeah these things happen. but you just don't see it before it comes, this is the ugly part especially if you have no past experiences, Thanks a lot for the article, i hope others read it as well

Anonymous said...

It is a heartless con game they play to keep their need for sexual supply filled. They know the wordS to say and the role to play to manipulate you into a relationship with them, but at the first sign that you are figuring them out, they will turn on you as if you were nothing.
No, otherS do not understand because they were not in your shoes.
To the legal system and people on the outside of the situation, it is easier for them to buy in to the explanation that the narcissist gives, that you are just scorned and want revenge, if you voice your pain and trauma.
A man can stalk a woman for years, set the stage for her vulnerability with manipulating circumstances and then use her confusion and distress to literally devour her mentally with all sorts of false compassions and scripted lines. He just moves on to the next person he finds to take advantage of.
It is the same grooming tactics used by pedophiles, but if you happen to be of age, no one cares.
It doesn't matter that may be you never dated before getting married, or that you may already be in an abusive situation and you were exploited, conned, and used.
The legal system is blind to it.
Some people have actually come forward to expose these types of narcissists that go around spreading diseases, and exploiting women or men. The perpetrators will do whatever they can to discredit their target, they will file false charges, file frivolous law suits, that is if they find an attorney completely hard up for a client, or maybe one that gets off on hurting the innocent victims themselves. Yes, they find the most asinine lawyer they can.

What does it say about our judicial system whenever they can't even see the system being manipulated by these types of victimizers? You would be surprised how many of them get away with stalking someone and then turning it around on their victims.
They make their victims get rid of any evidence during the grooming of the target, while they keep records of contact with them to use later as their defense.
Yes, this happens!
In one incident a man who was exposed on a exposing predator site in January of 2007.
This man actually coerced his victim throughout the relationship telling her repeatedly to get rid of proof of contact, told her to do the contacting to keep his number off her phone records, then used his records of her calls to file a harassment charge on her later.
This was vindictive revenge.
We need to be aware of what these sick individuals are capable of, even more, our legal system needs to get a clue!
Wake up America!

Victims suffer devastating symptoms like PTSD
and it is real!

Barbara said...

AS an emotional rape sufferer I thank you for posting this. I still have serious PTSD and am in counseling & medicated because of it.

And yes, Anonymous is right - these emotional rapists make everyone believe you are just scorned or crazy or a stalker... you name it.

I started a blog about everything that happened, just to counter my rapist's lies about me. Of course this just enraged him more so he started a hate site about me that's still up.

Some websites that might interest you:

A great book that my trauma counselor recommended to me: EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME by Dr. Mike Fox. Short but informative and most of all VALIDATING!

Anonymous said...

This happens to men too. I recently got out of a very long and abusive relationship where my girlfiend (who had a very troubled past and emotionally abusive mother) did all these things and more to me. Long before I even knew about such emotional abuse I penned a letter describing all the bad things from the relationship, it reads a heck of a lot like this article.

Anonymous said...

I was emotionally raped by an MD. You article helps me recognize that his behavior was much like a pedophile at first, except that he inserted put-downs with the sugar. I never have been able to figure out why he tickled me when we were almost alone in the clinic on a Sunday. It seems sexual, but a crazy move for an MD to make.

Yet he is craxy. Narcissistic and sadistic. I was traumatized by both him and my medical condition.

Devil's Mind said...

I am glad that some people have read this article and helped them see things more clearly.
As humans, as social beings, and as love-capable creatures, we sometimes indulge in false fantasies. In our search for acceptance, love, and emotional satisfaction, we ignore that signs of abuse in a relationship.
I am no expert in psychotherapy, but what I think is really important for any emotional rape survivor (or in fact any person in general) is to be able to recognize signs of abuse, as well as, sign of good will. When you can do that, you can trust yourself again to be in a relationship with another person, and thats the most important part of healing: To be able to love again.

Peaceatlast said...

Reading the book The Emotional Rape Syndrome was like opening the door to my soul! I thought I was losing my mind in dealing with the aftermath of a break up with an emotional rapist. I feel like I have been healed from demon posession. The truth has set me free. The PTSD is going away and I am looking forward to getting off medication. This emotional rapist made me very sick. This man can no longer take space in my soul. I can forgive my rapist and know that I am not required to trust this sick monster. The poor woman he is currently with now has to go through this hell. She has been warned through social channels that this man is dangerous. Free at last....God almighty I am free at last. I truly know now how to avoid this kind of relationship....take a slow approach to sexual involvement which is so often the hidden agenda these guys have. They want sex without emotional ties but they will pretend to have feelings until they have you hooked and then the games begin! I can't believe it has taken me this long to figure this out. I am not a frigid prude however there are some very sick sexual predators out here who will rape you emotionally to get to your body and yes! This monster used to brag that in his divorce settlement his second former wife paid him $20,000 for everytime they had sex. She paid over 3 million dollars to unload this rapist. I am ashamed to admit that I did not run when he told me that. Be on the guard for naricisstic behavior...key symptom for potential emotional rape.

Anonymous said...

well i know that kind of stuff exists more so cos at a certain pt of time i was victim to it...... though not mch damage has been done ...... bt it did leave a scar... i also feel that minor girls ( teenagers) are mostly victimised .... yes i wholehearted support the view i.e of awareness!!!!

Jordan said...

I am an insecure man who made a mistake with a woman who told me everything in the world to inflate my ego. And when I was hooked all the personality destroying activities described in this article happened to me. It has completely broken me, destroyed my self-confidence and made me believe that I am a bad person for loving too much. I was amazed when looking up "emotional rape" on Google, a name I thought I came up with on my own, and this article came up. I too am on medication and go to therapy. As much as I feel victimized and abused, I still am in love with this woman! My friends all tell me to let her go, but to do so accepts that she has defeated me. How can I move on?

Anonymous said...

It was extremely interesting for me to read the post. Thank author for it. I like such themes and everything connected to this matter. I would like to read more soon.

Just Me said...

I was with my ex- for just under 20 years. I loved her, trusted her, believed whatever she said. Then she left. She told me that she was moving out for a little while, to work on our relationship. She didn't mention what she'd been saying behind my back for a year or more, or whom she'd been cheating with, etc.. Our relationship had gone in cycles, and in the preceding 3-5 years had been going through larger curves of ups and downs. It tore me apart, destroyed me inside, and has taken me 3 1/2 years to mostly recover from. There's a world of detail which I'm glossing over. Either you've been there and don't need mine, or you haven't and would never believe me anyway.

At the time, I got some counselling for about a year; things seemed ok, but they haven't gotten any better since then. I'm back in counselling now, and am thinking about going to AlAnon (for those who've been in abusive situations, such as with alcoholics [she wasn't, but same pattern]--they teach you how to not let yourself be a victim, or to think of yourself as one).

Women can be horribly abusive and manipulative too, not just men; men can be stupid enough not to see what they're in the middle of, not just women. "Oh she's just not very emotive", "oh, she doesn't mean it the way it sounds", etc..

I realized a couple of weeks ago that "emotionally raped" was exactly how I've felt all of this time. When I Googled it, I had no idea that there would be anything about it; maybe tidbits and snippets, but nothing like what I've found.

In a schadenfreude kind of way, it helps to know that.

I'd sign my name, but I really don't want this to get back to her. The odds of her finding out are astronomically low, and she can't hurt me now, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she did to me. Still, it's nice to let some of it out.

Thank you for reading this.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. I am compelled to share my experience. Emotional Rape is not only in a chosen relationship. I am a male 26 year old in the process of freeing myself (with the help of friends-and believe me it is hard to trust even them unfortunately, although, I think they are doing their best to help me, I have been through the wringer for 16 years with this and don't know whom to trust right now) from Emotional Rape being committed by the man who used to be my dad.

My dad is dead, but yet a walking zombie. It is like living at best in purgatory, and at worst in some rung of Hell. So, I am going through losing a parent at the same time as I am freeing myself from an emotional rapist. Life s*cks right now and I cannot wait for this part of my life to be finished.

Devil's Mind said...

Thanks to all of those who shared their experiences regarding this issue. I hope the tragedy of the experience can be overcome, and that the pain can be turned into strength rather than defeat.

Anonymous said...

I was emotionally raped. It took me almost eight months to realize what was going on with me. Thank you for this article. It opened my eyes. The moment i read it i wanted to vomit. I felt so quilty all the time for having loved that guy. I am married with two kids, but it did not stop the guy to wash my brains. It took him half a year to input me into bed, the moment he did that he disappeared. Eventually i saw him in six months with his mom. He wrote to me all the time saying that he really loved me when he was with me but the moment he slept with me his love disappeared. I just do not want to get into details, but he knew what it meant for me to cross the line and sleep with him, now i am living in hell. I am losing my job, because i cannot cope with stress. I do not know how to continue to live with the guilt and embarassment. Please give me some advice.

Devil's Mind said...

Dear Anonymous,

As already mentioned, Emotional Abuse is sometimes followed by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It sounds that this has happened to you, since you mentioned that the stress is affecting your personal and professional life. This means that you need to take this stress seriously and seek therapy.

Your story also includes an element of extra-marital affair. This might add up to the guilt complex you are facing. I would suggest talking to your husband about what you are going through, if you have not already done so.

Of course, this might not be an easy move, and it depends largely on your and your husbands' cultural background, as well as the personal traits of your husband. You need to have good judgment on the issue.

However, if you have already discussed this with your husband, or later decided to inform him, it would help you greatly to resolve some guilt issues. As well as, having someone who loves you helping you through a rough time - and you need this help. It might be a good way to rebuild any bridges that were damaged.

You need someone trustworthy who loves you, so that you don't lose faith in love. And your husband would be a good candidate.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your advice. I am thinking about telling all this to my husband, just i am looking for the right time.

Anyways, it is very difficult. I am doing everything to get distracted from that experience, but sometimes when i am alone it is the most difficult time for me, as i cannot cope with my thoughts and my questions. I have seen the psychologist, she just confirmed all my thoughts, told me what to do but i do not have strenght to do what i am supposed to do. How to find the strenght in myself?

Devil's Mind said...

I am not sure what exactly your therapist told you that you are supposed to do, but the most important thing is that you would understand your own feelings (before, after, and during what happened)... You need to figure out what were the feelings that lead you to fall for this guy's trap. Understand what you felt was missing in your life that you started that relationship, and what you were hoping to achieve.
Then you need to understand what he did to made you feel like you want to be with him. And finally, how you feel now after all things have been said and done.
Then take baby steps towards a solution... No one can expect full recovery overnight. Don't over-stress yourself...

Anonymous said...


Thank you for your advice again. This is exactly what i have been doing since that time. I wrote down all my feelings towards that guy. How i felt before I met him, and how i was feeling with him, and how i am feeling without him. Then i went to visit my friends in another country and i spent the most amazing three days at their house. I went without my family, but there i saw what i had before meeting that guy: the respect and love. This is what i had, then due to some problems in out lives we lost this, and now it is so difficult to recreate as i am the one who betrayed my family and with the man who doesn't deserve even a look from me. I was very vulnerable at that moment and he knew that. I know i am the one to be blamed for my betrayal too, but I have been suffering for a whole year now because of my betrayal. I did everything i could to resist that guy, but his words were stronger than me. I forgave him, because i am strong, but i know that there will be the woman who will "slap" his face and then he will understand all my sufferings. I will never wish him what i have gone through and i am still going as ahead of me there will be the most difficult task to do is to tell everything to my husband, he deserves to know the truth about the woman he lives with. What will happen after that only God knows, but this is what i have to do, just to find peace in my family, and to start everything from the scratch. Probably you have some advice on how to tell all this to the person in order not to hurt him so much. I understand that he will be very hurt. But i have to be honest if i want our family to be strong again. Family is built on honesty. Thanks for your support.

Devil's Mind said...

Love is the thing that makes people able to forgive the mistakes of others. Your love for yourself makes you able to forgive yourself. Just like your love for yourself makes you forgive yourself, the love of others for us makes them able to forgive us.

Be sure to forgive yourself, and rest assured that your significant other, loves you that same kind of love so that makes him forgive you.

And remember, love gives us the strength to be honest, because love gives us the knowledge that we can be forgiven.

Anonymous said...

Haven't written for a long time. Thank you for advice. Your advice is very philosophical, but you do have a point. I started to read a book Eat Pray Love by E. Gilbert. The book has so many similarities with my life and actually it is helping me to understand myself and overcome my love towards that guy and guilt towards my husband. This is exactly how she described my relationship with that guy:
"I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have 'that thing' even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess,unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self." - pg 20-21"
So, there are people who are really trying to help me. I met one man, he is my spiritual teacher, actually he is helping me to put my thoughts into the correct order and not to think about all this at all. Just to look at this relationship like a very good experience of my life. Now i do know how to behave with the guys. I just smile and say thank you and go away. Actually i am very grateful to this guy for having taught me such a bad lesson. It took me one year just to feel ten per cent better. I am not contacting with him anymore. He called me in June saying how much i meant to him and stuff like that, but i did not believe him. I am grateful to God for having given me strength to tell him good bye. I know that in the future he will regret for having lost me. Thanks again for all your support and help. May God bless you. :-)

jamestmus said...

mind rape means people hear and see sounds and visions at bed,a demonic possesions from advertising,even male people also been reported,witnesses for over thousands of days

Anonymous said...

I am a victim too, it is too hard for to write about it, i had no idea that this existed. Very true, i felt raped, and still do. I cry night and days, i space out... i am confused get anxiety attacks.
Please people be aware do not take this as a joke. I am suffering from it. It is hard, i had no idea why i had lost my self, my personality,,, it is weird but you fall into a cycle, that you want to be raped over and over. I cannot say enough.
Since i have come out of deniel, it hurts more and more. I coped better when i was in denial.

Audrey said...

Im crying as I read this article, A victim of rape in my teens I found myself in a marraige where this happened to me,hardly surprising with the benifit of hindsight and much counselling. I found the courage to leave him, sought therapy and on the whole my life is a happy one. This man however 10years after is still under the illusion that his behaviour is okay such is his confidence in himself he can turn his behaviour into a virtue all part of the ploy and manipulation. I have suffered at his hands but heartbreakingly so do his children and they are young adults now. I cannot change his behaviour but knoweldge is power and I continue to learn and hopefully by example and healing myself I will help my children understand the behaviours. I see the fear in their eyes at times when I encourage them out of their comfort zones I also know that fear,but its only by doing it that we go on to thrive. Articles like this bring back the sanity and remove the madness that I allowed myself to be poisoned by.. Knowing I am not on this journey alone is healing in itself :) Thankyou so very much

Isobel said...

As someone who was born to be abused (not intentionally), and after almost half a century of tolerating others abusive invasion and subsequent torture of my mind, as someone who has survived (only just)the aftermath of being imprisoned in what can only be described as a living hell..I am pleased to report that 18 months ago, I liberated myself...with a little help from my friends...don't give up:)

Anonymous said...

Dear anonymous,

i have read ur story and understand the dreadful complexity like few others, as i too had the exact same issues.... the pain and guilt and shame, humiliation and shock is almost too much to bare...

Please do email me i would so love to talk with you

regards, Bonnie

EmoRapeForSure said...

Emotional rape is a term that I had not considered but after reading this I have to agree that this is what happened to me with a two year relationship with a "stripper" that claimed to hate what she did and I tried to help her out of there and did so for a long time with promises of mutual love and a life together one day. Read my sad story from a dumb and gullible man.

Kelly said...

I was just wondering if anyone ever had the courage to sue their emotional rapist for recovering their costs for therepy and medication... and if so, how did the courts view your complaint? Also, is it possible to sue for emotional pain and suffering?

Anonymous said...

Mine wasn't a lover, in either case. Mine was a person who just got bored, or who had security issues of their own and took it out on me.

It's very real, and I hear people still sigh about how I still haven't recovered.

Once was when I was 14, a guy I knew and talked to on chats for a while. He made up a new friend, got me to know her. He never told me it was fake, but I found out when I returned to the message board we met on. I was devastated, but he kept playing it off like it was no big deal.

The second, I was a caretaker for someone; they had me be maid, do everything, because, supposedly, her back was broken, and she needed attention all. the. TIME. I first thought we were buddies, but went home (I stayed intown, at least) with my family for my birthday for a couple weeks. When I came back... I had been since a liar, a thief, a rapist to one of her sons, she had me admit to things I did, things I did that stretched the truth, and things I never did but she made up in her mind I did. She starved me, started by saying I couldn't eat without asking, because I kept taking all her food (but she would gladly get more) and eventually all I got was a few crumbs of cereal a day, and a full dinner every Sunday, when her husband was home (a really nice man, but kind of dense.) I dropped from a size 16 (I'm a big girl) to a size 8/10. It destroyed me totally, but all I hear about how it was five years ago and I should be fine by now. I'm not, not if you had to see what I did. But no one else wants to see it that way...

Anonymous said...

I also am just realising with the help of a language to articulate that I too have been emotionally is true it starts off as grooming,then coercion ,then if you look like you wont comply then the body language and disappointment sets in...always had a vague feeling that i should somehow be grateful for him being faithful to me,which made me comply further.
he had multiple addictions too...gambling,sex and alcohol. a wolf in sheeps clothes.....more people need to come out and say whats going on.
I always felt guilty because i took it so long then used to react and have a all then got twisted round like i was the aggressor,when I was reacting in self defines and trying to fight an invisible enemy...I used to drink to give myself the confidence to cope with it...he's gone now and i dont feel i have chunks of my soul taken from me any more....he killed my the end my anger and rage saved me,...I still have flare ups of rage but not as often now...since i have a name for it and validation..i can now heal...xx

Anonymous said...

How does one categorise these rapists? are they psychopaths, socipaths or what? what is tgeir driving force? I have witnessed a situation that appears similar in the emotiondl sense but obviously detsils vary.

however, time still brings agony to my colleague with the deepest suicidal despair with no one seeming to believe them and no support.

Devil's Mind said...

I am not a psychologist to provide answers to what the driving motivation of those individuals is. It is probably just another way to control and hurt others, but rather than doing it through physical violence, it is done through psychological means.

Anonymous said...

I typed in "Emotional Rape" I figured if I felt this way, others certainly had. I lived with my boyfriend for 8 years. I never felt like he loved me. He would always tell me he did and basically to shut up, I was being stupid. Then he left me one day, got an apt behind my back.Thats when he told me he had not loved me in yrs. I actually fell onto the floor. 8 years...felt like my whole life had just been a total lie. I cried myself to sleep every night for years. People said to "get over it" I certainly wanted to. Felt so lied to, tried for days, weeks, months to figure it all out. Never got any answers from him. It was like he never existed. I thought he must've been a sociopath...he never did show empathy or normal emotons...always seemed hollow. Then I met someone else. It was totally different. He was my best friend, he communicated with me, he seemed loving and caring...everything I had been missing for 8 yrs. Then I found a pair of ripped thong underwear in his bedroom. He siad he had picked someone up online and he wanted to experiment with bondage and hitting them while having sex with them. Oh did I mention I also found out he was married with 2 kids? Hahaha...I finally started to recover from that...met a new guy...was proud of myself for being able to open my heart again, proud of myself for being able to move on and get up again. This guy seemed genuinely sweet and caring. He shared his stories of being hurt and he actually seemed to care for me. Really care for me. Said all the right things, was consistent. Things started to turn sexual. Soon he wanted a lot of pictures of me. This made me feel special at first, like attractive and wanted. Next thing I know he just wants more and more pictures. Every weekend rolls around and he comes up with excuses not to see me. I got very upset and asked what was going on. We had been forging this relationship for monthes. He dropped me like I was garbage. Not a word, not a phone call. I sent him texts asking what happened. He sent me one threatening to "leave him alone or else he is going to get very pissed off" So now I feel sick again. Blaming myself. Feel so betrayed, can't take it anymore. Tired of blaming myself. I tried to be trusting even after all I have been through. I tried to hope that someone was telling me the truth and could be a kind person. I feel so emotionally all of these situations. I think it's cumulative. I am now having panic attacks, I can barely work, I'm getting physically sick from it with stress. I keep trying to be "strong." I feel like I'm cracking at the seams now. This last incident just played out to it's finale the other day. Emotional Rape is real.

Cheryl said...

It is so frustrating to even try to remove yourself from the clutches of an emotional rapist. The demon in my life was very intelligent, paranoid, and pathetic. He "knew" people were after him, so he would "protect" himself from everyone, including me, so we couldn't hurt him.

He once told me, about three years before I even considered divorce, that I could "really screw" him in a divorce. Although, I had never brought it up, he had threatened to divorce me every couple of years for over twenty years. Every time I'd stand up for something, he'd accuse me of being a rebellious, wicked wife. I guess that made him feel divorcing me would be justly deemed "my fault" and relieve his conscience.

Meanwhile, he embarrassed me in public, accused me of petty acts of revenge I later found out HE was doing, undermined my authority with my own children, and began a smear campaign to ruin my reputation with anyone who would listen.

The end came when I told him I would no longer allow him to use a belt on our children because he couldn't control himself. From that moment on, the hatred was palatable. His middle-of-the-night activity started to involve shutting himself up in his tiny closet with his gun cabinet. I couldn't sleep. I was already having asthma systems at night that I found out later were stress induced.

His emotions were chaotic as well as his plotting and planning. The result was constant surprise attacks. I developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)also. It's been three years, and I still have flashbacks and feelings of powerlessness from the brainwashing.

The ongoing crime is what he's doing to the children. The oldest is beyond his meddling, for the most part. The second suffers the same bipolar/borderline personality systems as the father and thinks I'm as evil as he says or more so. Another is very compassionate and strong-willed. She is all but broken. I hurt for her so badly. Her brainwashing reminds me of the Stockholm syndrome. The others are somewhere between the first three, suffering symptoms of depression and anxiety due to their father's pervasive hopelessness.

I want to scream and cry so often. The kids are teenagers now, teens that have been brainwashed their whole lives. Maybe you can imagine how that looks in life. It isn't pretty. There will be repercussions of their childhood their whole lives. I've done everything I knew to do, both while their father and I were married and after. I am a praying woman with a God that loves her, so I will trust Him to make up the difference. I have found He loves it when I rely on Him.

Anonymous said...

What a load of bullshit this is. For you, sexist feminazis, if one doesn't bow down to you to kiss your feet, you cry "rape". Oh, someone yelled at you? EMOTIONAL RAPE! You are all weak scumbags who can't get over anything.

Devil's Mind said...

Dear anonymous, it seems that you have not read the post carefully. Verbal abuse and emotional rape are two different things.

I agree with your point that crying foul on the littlest of things is not good (especially when used by lawsuit trolls), but I do not think that calling people in a vulnerable emotional state as "weak scumbags" is fair or accurate.

Anonymous said...

Psychotherapy is like emotional rape. It is an asymmetrical relationship in which the therapist has power and control, and the client (victim) is vulnerable and emotionally exposed, and in a position to be exploited and manipulated after trust is given.

Anonymous said...

I'm in my mid twenties and have had a few relationships, and one long term relationship that ended very positively and we are still friends to this day. But last year I dated a guy for four months and was convinced he was the one. After we started to get more comfortable with each other and he knew I was falling in love with him, that's when the abusive language started to happen. He was controlling, asked me to stop talking to some of my friends, it got to the point that he didn't even want me to go out and have drinks with my friends if he wasn't with me. He had trust issues, he never apologized when he should have, he put me down emotionally. We had very similar intellectual capacities, but in the end he put me down so bad that I was traumatized at how quickly things shifted from being amazing to feeling like I was in hell without cause. I started blaming myself for anything I could, my past, karma, not being good enough, etc... but all of those things were false and I know that now.

The best way to get over a situation like this is to remember your self worth, find strength, and continue to love others the way you'd like to be loved by someone. I am now dating a man who treats me wonderfully and doesn't lie or try to control or manipulate me. He has a pure heart and that's more than enough to heal this once broken spirit of mine. Keep your head up and eyes out because there are good people out there who will help you live the kind of life you deserve.

crisstie stanley said...

I know this can and does happen. It happened to me last year, and I am not over it yet. One way I know I'm not over it is I am always thinking of new and creative ways to kill this bastard,(though I would never take another life myself).
About 31 years ago I was going out with a guy my age, J.Z. I was very much in love. But he left me and went back home to "mommy", or so I thought. 31 years later, he returned to my life. He had become a drinking buddy of my husband, but as soon as he found out my maiden-name, we became friends again, or so I thought. Actually, we were a little closer than him and my husband.
One night, my husband and I offered him to spend the night because he was homeless without a penny. We were all out of cigarettes and money, so I asked J.Z. to go for a walk with me to pick up some butts that we could re-roll. That was a huge mistake.
When we got back to my place, he asked me if we could sit outside because it was very hot in my apartment. I said sure. A neighbor had given him some kind of alcohol. J.Z. was DRUNK.
He wanted to kiss me. I didn't think anything was wrong with a kiss between two old friends. But little did I know, he more than just 1 kiss in mind, if you know what I mean.
He told me he still and always had loved me. I told him that was too bad. I loved my husband and was not going to leave him. He pushed me on my back porch and said he wanted to make love to me, and proceeded to kiss me and feel me up. I told him to stop it, but he wouldn't. I don't know where the strength came from, but I pushed him off of me and got up and went to go back inside.
J.Z. told me either I go with him or I stay with my husband, but I had better choose. I told him if I had done something to make him think I wanted to do that I was sorry. He told me choose him or he was going to tell my husband we HAD done something.
I said, "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!", and went into my security door and went into my apartment and slammed the door to awaken my husband, but only managed to wake my son. He knocked on my door and shouted through my window he loved me.
I told him to "go fuck yourself!",and turned toward my sink. That's when my husband got up as well as my brother. My husband told him to leave and the next day he and my brother told me to call the police. I did, and they wanted my clothes. But because they didn't find any of J.Z.'s DNA on my clothing they dropped the charges down to a Disorderly Conduct Induced By Alcohol.
I have not seen J.Z. since. My husband has and told him he didn't want to talk to him. The only reason I want to see him for is to slap him, kick him, punch him in his face, whatever I have to do to show him how he has hurt me. My husband and I are not as close as we were before this happened, and I blame J.Z.
He has screwed up my life, and the law won't help me, so I want to take the law into my own hands. I want to hurt him, badly!

Anonymous said...

I was hospitalized for a severe disorder requiring such...this was in 1988 though and it only got worse in another way after release, and not sure the term the doctor used as what got me there meant the same thing..since he did say 'emotionally raped" ; but the emotional rapist was not myself or a girlfriend (or boyfriend)..but the doctor said it to their parents.

Anonymous said...

I had this happen to me.I didnt know what was happening.I would cry a lot and I was horrified to go outside.Id get headaches abody aches.Anxiety so bad I wouldnt even go to the groshery store.I felt so scared.I had terrible dreams and wake up sweating.I called in sick because I was so afraid to go out. Then I came accrossed Narcissist abuse syndrome.I have read about this subject for 3 months.It has helped A LOT. I recomend it.I still have pain and horrible anxiety but now I know why.

Anonymous said...

I believe I have been subject to this. This and emotional abuse are very different. I have been subject to both.

I currently have PTSD due to this and am in counselling. It is disgusting and horrible. It leaves you literally feeling raped.

He knew what to say and when to say it. When to be kind and when to be horrible. As soon as I cottoned on to a situation he turned on me and made me feel like nothing. While he was getting what he wanted it was fine, as soon as I resisted my life became hell, to the point where I became compliant simply to make my life easier.
I was degraded and manipulated till I was left feeling like dirt.

The only way to get away from these people is to literally cut them off. I survived this somehow for over a year, I cannot imagine people who manage longer.

Anonymous said...

With the one involving the woman picking up a knife, the problem there is her now being seen as the abusive one. I bet if that happened with role reversal, with the woman emotionally belittling the man, then the man picking up the knife could end up in prison if it went further.
It is hard to punish emotional bullying as there really is no quantifiable 'offence' that took place. It's more of a continuous and gradual thing.
Same with financial conning withing a relationship 'you gave them the money, so it's not stealing' etc.

Tudor Renegade said...

I didn't know this term existed but this is how I feel, raped raped raped, so I searched for emotional rape. I see I'm not the first one to experience this. Truth is always welcome.

Anonymous said...

How can you report people like this?

Care said...

To the idiot going on about feminazis… yes I agree this needs to be better defined. Not every emotional injury and/or manipulation is "emotional rape". But this isn't about sex. I am female and it was my mother. For years and years I couldn't understand why I was reacting the way I was. It is the emotional equivalent of someone pinning you down on the floor and not stopping, when you are thrashing and screaming no and stop over and over again. And they never listen. The problem is it's an EMOTIONAL boundary being crossed, and I was literally left screaming and out of control with rage and terror and a sense of violation I couldn't recognize or understand for years after the fact. She reacted as though she was the victim, and I felt crazy, wrong and bad. It made me hate myself and blame myself because I didn't understand what was happening or why I was reacting how I was. NO, STOP etc and variations on that mean exactly the same thing as when someone is physically or sexually assaulting you. And I've experienced all of those things if anyone is tempted to say it's minimizing "real" rape. Literal rape is in many ways much worse, but I would not say it is less destructive to the person to be "emotionally raped". But (imo) emotional rape is about someone knowingly and consistently crossing your emotional boundaries, in lieu of a physical one, and ignoring any and all attempts you make to stop them. It is an experience of extreme and total powerlessness and inability to protect yourself from harm.

Anonymous said...

I'm currently going through this and have more than one identify connected to my mind for the past 2 years and I now know what this is and know that some of their identity is Illuminati. I'm having a horrible time and my life is spied upon every second and no way of proving it since I've yet to meet the people face to face yet they know everything about me. I know of them but never physically met them. Even I dreams and it's disturbing and I feel possessed. They are completely connected to the parts of my brain that are I charge of my speech. I FEEL invaded by a presence and it gives me constant headaches. Please help me.

Please help. I've been told that what this has done has so done me spiritual damage, and my soul is shattered. I can't breathe most days, feel like I'm dying yet they don't let me die. It's horrible trying to reason with them. I'm not at all disconnected from my reality but I've read about soul transfers from the Illuminati and THAT is what I'm scared is happening to me.

Anonymous said...

This concept is impossible to understand until it happens. My ex was a narcissist, the final time I saw him I remember looking at him (raging) and freezing inside, I asked myself who he was and how I'd come to this situation with a stranger, who is he ?
I avoided any confrontation and escaped the following day. He emailed me with a list of insults blaming me for his behaviour. An apology was out of the question so I went no contact. I have never felt fear like this, I removed all traces of him from my house and got valium to help me. It took me a year to research the behaviour and motivations of a person claiming to love you yet motivated to cause you such deliberate harm without any provocation. Some people wear a mask, when it slips you see someone who is the opposite, this is frightening and traumatic. That evening I knew I'd been raped but couldn't explain how or why.
My understanding is that all psychopaths crave relationships based or destruction, power and control and will push boundaries to the farthest point to break you.

Sheila Burnett said...

the other reason it is not recognized is because it has become the norm of ads, they feed us fear, dread, stupidity and the like just to sell their products. If the law recognized it as what it is - emotional rape - then they would have to stop and maybe this country and the people would start to heal. We have been shamed into less than who we can be by not just other people but religion, politic, and business.

It is time this really is dealt with on a larger scale.

Anonymous said...

I was victim of homophobic bullying by a respected female lecturer. She said that I was a 'man who couldn't make it with a woman'. I would say that she played a 'psychological rape' game. It happened within a workplace context.

Anonymous said...

Yes it is and unfortunately I have experienced it first hand.. I have scars to my core because of it..

Anon said...

Emotional rape is part of a psychopathic agenda, it's horrific.
The target is deliberately groomed and manipulated to trust and love the rapist. It is exactly how peadophiles abuse through kindness only it's adults, online dating sites allow these predators to carefully tailor a persons to suit a lead.
They begin with little hints, and become subtly controlling, often they'll have a pity ploy such as an abusive childhood or crazy ex to explain behaviours. Over time they establish trust & love, they are charming mixed with withdraws to condition the target.
These relationships end with a dramatic sustained rage towards the unsuspecting target. Emotional rape results in PTSD anxiety and suicide, the victim has lost their identity & the predator is aroused by fear. Psychopaths need to rage, they tire of the victims emotions & wed to 'win' so end relationships abruptly and with abnormal levels of contempt.
Malignant narcissists, borderlines etc. Have shallow emotions, you can expect to be emotionally raped if you aren't clued up or ignore red flags early on. They choose murder by suicide for their victims to prove dominance & superirority.

Anonymous said...

As someone who works in the criminal justice system and has been emotionally raped I am astounded that there are no punitive ramifications for the perpetrators. Many crimes I can think of on the books, whether a simple retail theft to murder, has the same thing in common -- taking something that doesn't belong to you!! Now, taking someone's purse is a hassle and, for the most part, is something someone can typically bounce back from quickly as opposed to killing someone, but both have recourse to the victims that those who offend are held accountable for their actions. Even the crimes that seemingly only affect a defendant, such as possessing a drug perhaps, hold stiff penalties, but then you have people going around destroying lives in the same way, no regard for the person they intentionally abuse, manipulative, lie, steal and cheat from, walking around their entire life continually looking for their next prey and the cycle repeats and leaves countless victims, which is one of the things laws are supposed to protect society from, keep its citizens free from harm. These people may be some of the most dangerous as they lack empathy and don't care who gets hurt. There needs to be legislation to protect all citizens. I understand proving cases is one thing but not to have the ability to even try is criminal in itself.