Seinfeld: Men\Women Jokes

• I was the "best man" in a wedding one time. That was pretty good title I thought. If I was the "best man", why is she marrying him?!
  
• Men and women will not understand eachother... Its just not gonna happen! Just forget it!! I know I will not understand women, I know I will never be able to understand how a woman could take boiling hot wax, pour it on her upper thighs, rip the hair out by the root... AND STILL be afraid of a spider!! I am not spending more time working on THAT!!
  
• I bet women would like to know what men are really thinking: The Truth, the honest Truth of what men are really thinking... Cause I could tell ya! Would you like to know?! Alright I'll tell you: NOTHING!! We're not thinking anything... We're just walking around, looking around... This is the only natural inclination of Man! We're just gonna check stuff out.
  
• We like women, we want women, but thats pretty much as far as we've thought! Thats why we are honking car horns, yelling from construction sites: These are the best ideas we've had so far!!
  
• Why do the men behave in these ways?! We men know, no matter how poorly we behave, it seems we somehow end up with women anyways!! Look around this room, look at all the men we see with lovely women. Do you think these are special men?! Gifted men?! One-of-a-kind men?! They are the same jerks and idiots that I am talking about: They're doing just fine!
  
• Men as an organization are getting more women than anyother group working in the world today! Wherever women are, we have men looking into the situation. We explored the earth looking for women. We even went to the moon just to see if there were any women there!! Thats why we've brought the car. Why would you bring a car [to the moon], unless there is a chance of getting out on a date!!
  
• All men think of themselves as some kind of low level superheros in their own world. When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman,.. these aren't fantasizes. These are OPTIONS! This the deep inner secret of the male mind.
  
• Dating is not easy... What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night.
  
• Women have two types of orgasms: The actual orgasms, and the ones they make on their own. And I can give you the male point of view on this, which is: We're fine with it, you do whatever the hell you gotta do!

These last two jokes are not Men\Women jokes, but... well, I liked them:

• I enjoy any sporting event where nations get involved, I find that to be the most exciting. The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event, although I think I have a problem with that silver medal. I think if I was an Olympic athlete I would rather come in last, than win the silver. If you think about it: You win the gold you feel good. You win the bronze you think at least I got something. But if you win the silver, its like: "Congratulation, you ALMOST won! Of all the losers you came in first of THAT group. You are the number one loser! No-one lost ahead of you!"
  
• There are many things that we can point to that prove that the human being is not smart. "The Helmet" is my personal favorite. The fact that we had to invent "The Helmet". Now, why did we invent The Helmet?! Well... Because we were participating in many activities that were cracking our heads, we looked at the situation, we chose not to avoid these activities, but to just make little plastic hats so that we can continue our head-cracking lifestyles. The only thing dumber than The Helmet is "The Helmet Law", the point of which is to protect the brain that is functioning so poorly that its not even trying to stop the cracking of the head its in!!

source: I'm Telling You for the Last Time