Friday, February 24, 2006

Personal Experience: Doubt Is Necessary

My first signs of doubt wore on me back in childhood: I am not sure about the exact age, but it probably was around 8 yrs old (ie. 3rd grade) back in the days when you were supposed to think that one hundred is the largest number ever, and back in the days when you were supposed to think that (4 minus 8) is not a calculable mathematical value... But I knew better, because back in those days I had one god that won't lie to me: The Calculator...

As most of you know, back in those days the calculator was a forbidden fruit... Yes, that was the case: truth was a forbidden fruit!! But just like any reasonable person: Forbidden fruits... then its time for indulgence. My calculator was my proof; No authority on earth could have told me that my calculator gave a wrong answer: It just won't lie!

Now back to the main story: 3rd grade teachers claimed that you cannot subtract a number from another number larger than it (eg. you cannot evaluate 4 minus 8), so I instantly asked my god: are they lying to me? I made that simple test: [4] [-] [8] [=] and to my surprise it did give an answer: the answer was -4!! I went to dad and asked him about that strange phenomenon: "If I had 4 apples and I want to give someone 8 apples, how can I do that?", my dad gave me a quite brilliant answer: "You give him 4 apples, and you are still in debt to him yet another 4 apples, that's the meaning of the negative sign next to the 4; you are 4 apples short to give him 8 apples."; At that time, I didn't quite understand the mathematical meaning of the negative sign but I just knew that (4 minus 8 equals -4)....

Later on, during one exam similar questions were given where a small number is subtracted from a larger number, so instead of putting the answer the teacher wants me to put, I just thought: "fuck the system!" and did the subtraction making sure to put a negative sign next to that answer... To my surprise the teacher marked the answers with a ZERO, so as any reasonable person I went to her and objected! She said: "You can't subtract a small number from a bigger number that why you got a ZERO!"; so I argued: "I know, that's why I put a negative sign next to it.", She said: "Things don't work like that!"; "The calculator says that they do work that way, and I can show you if you want!" I argued; "You are not supposed to use a calculator, and this mark you are not getting it!"; I just gave up, yes I gave up the argument but in my head somehow I knew I was right... and that's why even in later exams I just did the subtraction my way even though I knew that the teacher will put a ZERO on them;

From that day I realized that I cannot just trust anyone to give me a straight piece of info, especially not a classroom teacher, and till this day I find even university teachers(or doctors, if you want to call them) making teaching mistakes without even allowing anyone to question their words... On that day, I also realized that the calculator is a great device and today I am working to become a computer engineer so that I can understand how the GOD of my childhood days works on the inside....

4 comments:

girl witta attitude said...

damn u ppl think too deep i wonder how you do not drown

Devil's Mind said...

dah!! there are always reasonable limits... true, one should not 'drown' in endless thoughts and make sure they havent lost their connection with the present reality!! :D

Rania said...

Wow, that was a really good story!

It's very interesting that even then, at 8, you chose truth despite its consequences- a zero! (How strong and scientific can a science teacher's arguments be!)

I remember being shocked and disappointed every time we learned something that completely negated what we had taken before. It happened all the time. I would wonder, "Why did you lie to us?"
You're not ready for the truth. But does that justify lying about it? How will I know that what you tell me later, "when the time comes", is not another stupid lie of yours?

If you want it, you gotta uncover it yourself.

Devil's Mind said...

" I remember being shocked and disappointed every time we learned something that completely negated what we had taken before. " -- exactly, i just cant stand that!!!

" You're not ready for the truth. " -- and well, obviously i hate THAT argument too: No-one except myself has the right to decide for myself if i am ready for the 'truth' or not!! Censoring a piece of info because one cant handle the bare truth is just plain bullshit!!